Selah Bethany(Selah B, Selah Love, Little S, Selah Insert-random-middle-name-here-like-Daddy-does…) is one month old!
You hear every parent say it, but I don’t know how to communicate the sentiment in a less cliche way…
She is growing up SO. INCREDIBLY. FAST.
I don’t remember feeling quite this sad about growth acceleration with Elliott. Maybe because he was our first and I was so excited for him to be able to talk to us and walk and laugh and I just couldn’t wait to see it all develop….but with Selah it has been so different. I wish she would stay this tiny forever…I wish she would do the “newborn stretch” forever, where her back arches and her little frog legs cross and tuck right beneath her bumble while her clenched fists stretch above her head…I wish she would make her little newborn sounds and snorts and squeaks forever…I wish she could snuggle up on my chest and fall asleep curled up in a little ball forever…ahhh, these first few weeks are so, so sweet…
Here are a few facts and a lotta pictures to help you get to know our sweet little Selah from afar…
She is CHUBBY! And for that, we are so grateful! (Only when referring to babies is the word “chubby” actually a compliment!) She looks so much like me when I was a baby, and I certainly had rolls :). And I love her chub…I love her thighs, her arms, her tummy. Selah weighed in at a healthy 10 lbs 5 oz on her one month birthday, and we are certainly proud of every ounce she gained. She is still eating every 2 hours, but only nurses 4 minutes per side…a pretty efficient nurser, wouldn’t you say?? How different than my little buddy, who nursed for ONE HOUR every two hours until he was 6 weeks old! This makes life a lot easier because nursing isn’t nearly the ordeal that it was when I was nursing Elliott.
She is a SQUEAKER!! She doesn’t just cry, she squeaks. She makes more noises than any newborn I know…they are so sweet, and so loud! And she definitely lets us know when she needs something…she’s for sure a…how should I put this? A verbal processor :).
She LOVES to have her diaper changed! I don’t think she has ever cried through a diaper change! In fact, it calms her down…she LOVES being clean. Which is REALLY FORTUNATE because…
She is a POOPER. Okay, I know this may sound obvious, but oh no–I guarantee you’ve never met a baby who poops like Selah poops. She has projectile poop. Seriously. We have each had poop sprayed all over us while changing her diaper. But then one day, Brian went upstairs to change her diaper and I heard him say in his usual understated tone, “Whoa.” And then a few seconds later, “WHOA.” And then a few seconds later, “Whoa…WHOA.” Since he sounded so calm, I didn’t think much of it…I just thought it was a really, really full diaper. But I asked if everything was okay and he responded–again, in his super-understated manner, “Selah pooped everywhere.” Well, it turns out, he wasn’t kidding.
What the changing pad & cover looked like post projectile poop……aaaaand what the FLOOR looked like post projectile poop…can you believe all of that poop projected out of a 2 week old baby???
She is a SMILER. Whether she’s awake or asleep, she’s smiling! I know a lot of people say it’s gas at this age, but I’m telling you–Selah responds to us and smiles at us all the time. She smiles every time she falls asleep (yes, I know that’s just a newborn twitch thing) but also, she smiles at us when we get real close to her and smile and goo-goo talk away… I even got her awake and smiling on camera at just 7 days old.
Sleeping and smiling…5 days old.Awake and smiling…7 days old!
She is BEAUTIFUL. It overwhelms me every day. She is just perfect…I love, love, LOVE that she gets to hear how beautiful she is every day. (Because yes, I believe it is SO important for little girls to grow up knowing they’re beautiful! And smart, and capable, and compassionate, and, and, and…but also that they’re beautiful. But that’s an entire other blog post :).)
Here is the progression of our sweet little love over her first month of life. I don’t have pictures from every day, but some days I couldn’t narrow it down to just one so there are a few to make up for the days that I missed :).
Her Birthday
2 days old
3 days old
4 days old
5 days old
6 days old
First time wearing a dress and a bow!That’s better 🙂
7 days old
8 days old
9 days old
10 days old
She’s a couple ounces bigger than her birth weight here, but you get the idea 🙂
11 days old
12 days old
13 days old
Dressed up for the Harvest Party…Daddy’s Little Princess and Daddy’s Little Builder 🙂
14 days old
15 days old
22 days old
First trip to the Rosarito Beach
23 days old
25 days old
Oops. Mommy fail.
28 days old–ONE MONTH OLD!!
1 month old, laying on her special handmade blanket from Nonna
We celebrated her one month birthday with…chocolate chip cookies! Grandpa and Nonna were here for the milestone, so we all gobbled down cookies in honor of this little pumpkin head. Poor Elliott missed the celebrations because he was already in bed. Don’t worry, I ate a cookie or two for him :).
Okay, time for a little compare/contrast of siblings… I really don’t think Selah looks anything like Elliott did or does, but people say you can tell they are siblings. I can’t really, but that’s okay :). Selah looks so much like me as a baby and Elliott looked SO MUCH like Brian as a baby. Anyhow, you can judge for yourself…
Selah Bethany, you are the perfect addition to our family. WE ADORE YOU…though you are sweet as can be, we can tell that you have some spunk to you, too! You are not afraid to speak up and let us know exactly what you want. You are simply STUNNING, and you have the most beautiful smile that shows itself every time we come near… Please stay tiny forever while simultaneously blossoming into the radiant little girl that God has created you to be! We love you…happy 1 month birthday!!!
It’s amazing how when something goes right, you realize how wrong it was before. In retrospect, I have even more confidence that the c-section was exactly the right call with Elliott. I know it may sound crazy, but despite the facts, there was always this teeny, tiny lingering thought in the back of my head wondering if the c-section was absolutely necessary. After Selah’s birth, that thought is totally gone. I had contractions. I dilated (eventually). Her heart rate stayed strong. I pushed. She came out.
I also have to laugh a little (mostly at myself) for all of the research and reading that goes into creating the “perfect” birth experience. “That” experience is just so far out of our control. I have to laugh at all the people who say there is a “right” way, and “anyone” can accomplish that way… When things are in the right places and going right, you’ll probably have a successful vaginal labor and delivery. When they’re not in the right place, you might end up in a c-section. I strongly believe in the expert help of a doula and/or midwife to help with positioning, etc., assuming that there are no complications big enough to keep the baby from being birthed naturally. But this whole delivery experience (and the ease of it) has really made me calm down a bit. Why did I push for 30 minutes and I’ve had friends push for hours and hours? Not because I read a book on pushing! Because…because…? Because we’ll never know. Because labor and delivery is OUT OF OUR CONTROL… And…IN HIS…
Now, back to Selah B and her birth day! I got to hold my daughter for the first entire hour of her life. How precious, how special. Such a gift. Just after noon, I handed her off to Daddy, who finally got to hold his little princess.
So proud.The first kiss of many, many, many more to come…
I remember the nurse asking us how big we thought she was, and realizing that I hadn’t even thought about the fact that we didn’t know her stats yet. I remember having no idea how big she was. I had been so scared of giving birth to a HUMONGOUS baby because a) I had gained AN ENORMOUS amount of weight with this pregnancy (way more than with Elliott) and b) I had had two friends recently give birth to 9+ and 10+ pound babies in September. I think I guessed 9 lbs, assuming she’d be bigger than Elliott because she was my second and also because I figured hot dogs & mac & cheese probably make for chubby babies, right?
But she wasn’t 9 lbs at all…8 lbs, 2.9 ounces to be exact!
The nurse measured her at 20 1/4 inches. Although, here’s a little secret fact for you. At her initial doctor’s appointment when she was 4 days old, she very clearly measured at 21 inches. SO, either the nurse measured her wrong originally, or our baby girl grew 3/4 of an inch in 4 days. You can decide for yourself what you think Selah’s REAL length was :).
Tiny feet3/4 of the Moberg Family
Before Selah was born, I made a banner for her and hung it over her waiting bassinet as a sort of declaration of faith. It said, “Welcome Home, Selah!” But in the exclamation mark at the end, it said, “We did it!” And although I didn’t know exactly what the “it” was going to look like, I knew the Lord was going to bring us through. I looked at and thought of that banner MANY times during the last few weeks of pregnancy and during my labor, as a reminder that yes, I would soon be bringing my baby girl home…that yes, I could do this…that yes, we would soon pass this test of faith…that yes, we would soon be on the other side of this pregnancy, of this labor, of this delivery.
Note #1: Because my firstborn, my sweet baby Elliott, was born via c-section, we had to make a choice about the type of birth we wanted to have with our daughter. A VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) has its risks because it is possible (though unlikely with the type of incision I had with my cesarean) that the uterus could erupt during labor. However, having multiple c-sections has its disadvantages as well. We spent *a lot* of time praying, reading, researching, talking to doctors, midwives, and others, and finally decided that we wanted to go for the VBAC. However, we fully trusted the Lord for the outcome…trusting that He would make it clear to us every step of the labor if we were to keep moving forward with trying for a VBAC or if we should stop and have a c-section. My doctor said she wasn’t comfortable letting me go past 41 ½ weeks, so we had a c-section date scheduled for October 8 at 2:00pm with a check-in time of noon. If I didn’t go into labor before then, then our answer would be clear…
Note #2: One of the things that was difficult about my first labor/delivery experience is that I had so much trouble REMEMBERING most of those initial moments that Elliott was born. I am so grateful for the pictures that Brian and our doula took because I have no memory of the first few minutes that I got to hold him and nurse him. It had been a long, very hard week leading up to his birth and then a fairly traumatic rush into the emergency c-section. Anyhow, when I went to write out Selah’s birth story, the words that kept coming to mind were, “I remember…”…becauseI did. I am so grateful for the many gifts the Lord gave me in this labor and delivery, one of them being THE MEMORIES.
The Day That Selah Came
(And the days leading up to it…)
My due date came and went, and I was desperately trying to send my body into real labor. I remember one particular day, being super determined to get contractions going. I took Elliott outside to play soccer and every time he kicked the ball past me down the street I would run down the hill as fast I could to stop it.
And he thinks HE needs water!
At one point we walked to the bottom of the hill because he wanted to see the dogs, but then he got tired and wanted me to carry him back up the hill. I gladly scooped him up and made the hike! I got home and did 5 sets of stairs (my goal was 10, but that didn’t happen!). That night I attempted jumping jacks. And although I only made it through about 3 of them, I was laughing so hard at myself that I thought my snorting laughter alone might send me into labor! But it didn’t. And I was WIPED the next day from all of my labor-inducing tricks.
So, we went to the beach. And I laid down while Grandma & Grandpa Moberg played with Elliott. I was too tired to try and force my body into labor.
My vantage point on beach day. Can you see Grandma & Grandpa with Elliott over my HUMONGOUS baby belly?
Saturday, 10.6.12. I told Brian I needed a change of scenery. You can only walk around the block so many times when you are DAYS AND DAYS overdue before you start to go a bit crazy. I was officially one week overdue at this point, and the deadline of noon on October 8 was creeping up quickly… We all decided to go to San Diego for the day, run a few errands, find a fun park for Elliott to play in, and go to dinner with some family friends who happened to be in town. Little did I know that after having dinner with these same friends, Brian’s brother & sister-in-law went into labor the next day with their first…dun, dun, dun….
Little Buddy (soon to be BIG buddy!) loved the new park!Big Brother Elliott and me, one week overdue.
I got home that night and a friend asked how I was doing, knowing that my labor deadline was approaching so quickly. And I remember relaying to her the revelation that I had recently gained conviction for in my spirit: “You know, the Lord is so in control. He EASILY could have sent me into labor by now…” In the previous 24 hours, I had had such a peace come over me that the deadline set by man could not hinder the Lord’s plan for our lives. If He wanted me to attempt a VBAC, He would make it happen. If He didn’t, He would keep my body from going into labor.
So when I woke up with contractions around midnight, I remember encouraging myself (because yes, I often encourage myself!), “See…you knew He was in control…”
Labor begins…and I remember…
I remember thinking, “I can’t do this.” A lot of times. Like when we headed across the border at 5 am and I was throwing up in the car while having back labor contractions. And then Brian stopped for gas :). Like when we got across the border and daylight hit and my contractions stopped, just like they had done with Elliott. Like when I called the doctor on call to talk to her about what to do, not knowing how long I was allowed to “labor,” and she snapped at me, telling me 20 minutes between contractions is not real labor. Like when my contractions picked back up that afternoon, with heavy, intense back labor, and were 3 minutes apart for a minute long and I knew these were only the beginning stages of labor and I could barely handle it. Like when we decided to head to the hospital and I was on all fours, throwing up into a bucket, sweating from every pore of my body, feeling like someone was wringing out my gut from the inside out and scraping the nerves of my lumbar and sacrum with a scalpel.
But let’s back up a minute…
Midnight, 10.7.12. I remember waking up with contractions that continued steadily, every 5-8 minutes. Finally, around 3 am, I remember gently shaking Brian awake with a, “Happy Birthday, my love…guess what? I’m having regular contractions! Do you think we should head to San Diego?”
I remember packing up and trying to keep down an egg sandwich despite the nausea attempting to push it back up. I remember the moment the nausea won. And I remember collecting barf bags to bring in the car with us.
6 a.m. I remember arriving at the YWAM Hospitality house in San Diego, eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes, and laying down to rest for a bit because the contractions had almost entirely stopped…
Noonish. I remember being “that pregnant woman” walking through the Bonita Mall, trying to get my contractions going again but so badly wanting to celebrate Brian’s birthday…and I remember him saying over and over, “This is the exact way I want to celebrate my birthday…preparing for our baby girl to arrive!” And I remember realizing, once again, that I married the most incredible man on earth.
Happy Birthday, Baby Daddy!
Now, back to the “I can’t do this…”
3 p.m. ish. I remember laying down to try to rest when my contractions and the scalpel-scraping back labor all came back with a vengeance. I remember pushing against the wall with each contraction–the only position that was remotely “comfortable.” I remember finally getting down on all fours, head in a bucket, and trying to drown out the “I can’t do this’s” in my head by saying out loud over and over, “You can do this, Sus…you can do this…” After an hour of this, 3 minutes apart, we decided to head to the hospital.
I remember crying most of the way to the hospital. Not “I’m-in-so-much-pain” crying (even though I was!!), but “totally-overwhelmed-with-the-(amazing)-reality-that-this-was-actually-happening” crying. I called the hospital between contractions to tell them I was coming in. The first woman I talked to was sooo nice to me (God bless good ol’ fashioned NICE PEOPLE!!) and was sooo excited for me. “Oh, you are?!” the stranger exclaimed (as if she were my best friend) upon hearing the news that we were coming in. “Let me connect you to triage. Do you know what you’re having?!”
“It’s a GIRL!!!!” I sobbed as the dam holding together my composure came crashing down with a flood of tears…almost as a proclamation from my spirit that she was finally coming…Yes, she was coming!! We still didn’t know how, but we knew she was coming…now. Months and months of overcoming my fear of what could happen during this labor were coming to an end…now. Months and months of building up my faith, of learning how to trust the Lord in a whole new way…and now, now! Now the muscles of faith that I had been building for those months would get to participate in Game Day. Now…
“Oh, congratulations!!!”
“THANK YOU!!!” I sobbed back, and would have thrown myself into a big bear hug in her arms had she been standing in front of me.
She put me on hold and I just cried and cried…the lady picked up from triage: “May I help you?”
I quit trying to hide the fact that I was a blubbering mess, and I unashamedly cried like a baby into my cell phone. “Hi! I-I’m (sob) in (sob) labor and I-I’m (sob) coming in to the (sob) hospital!”
“Yay!! Congratulations! We’ll see you when you get here!”
“Okay!!!” I sputtered back through my stream of tears.
I remember being so overwhelmed. So grateful my contractions had stayed at 3-4 minutes apart for the last hour and half…so grateful that SOMETHING was going to happen.
I remember being checked into triage. I remember the nurse telling me that I needed to cleanse, pee a little bit in the toilet, and then pee in a cup. I remember looking at her like she had just asked me to do a handstand…was she cuh-RAZY? It’s hard enough to pee in a cup when your 10+ months pregnant, but to do it while having horrific back labor and to pee a little, stop, and then get the rest in a cup?! Okay…moving on…
5pm. I remember finally getting to the bed where they checked me. I remember the nurse checking me and telling me I was… (drum roll please…)
…at a 1 and a ½.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I remember thinking. A 1 and a ½???
I remember her saying, “Well, but your contractions are so intense and so close together (every 2 minutes) that I can’t imagine they’ll send you home…I’m sure they’ll admit you. You’re about 80% effaced.”
I remember being so grateful for that, thinking back to my labor with Elliott. (“Just please, please don’t send me home!!”) I remember them taking me off the c-section schedule for the next day, because even if I were to end up with a cesarean, I didn’t need that scheduled appointment anymore.
5:59 p.m. I remember meeting the doctor on call, and not being a big fan. And why had it taken her an hour to get there?? But she admitted me, and advised me not to get an epidural (which I was very adamant about making sure everyone I came into contact with knew that I was very eager to get started) until I was at least at a 4. I remember thinking that would be hard, but it was a good goal.
6:45 p.m. They finally got us upstairs to the delivery room.
7:05 p.m. I remember my sweetest little Elliott, who got to come up to visit. I remember having a contraction while he was there, and desperately trying to smile through it for him. I remember him seeing the yellow exercise ball in the room and shouting, “Boh!!” and I remember just wanting him to laugh and run and play with it, filling the room with innocence… I remember that he wanted to sit on my lap and he kept pointing at all the “bracelets” I had on my wrist. And I remember that it was one of those moments where you are so glad he doesn’t understand that the red one is in case I need a blood transfusion and the IV in my arm is in case I have to be rushed into surgery…and his naivete brought a sort of refreshing calm to my spirit…it wasn’t his job to worry about anything other than why I was so blessed with some new “jewelry,” just as it wasn’t my job to worry about anything other than resting (well, ahem, laboring!) in the Lord’s hands. Constantly grateful for the ways my son reminds me that I am my Father’s daughter, His little girl, His baby.
“Wow! Look at all your pretty bracelets, Mommy!”
7:15 p.m. I remember getting iv drugs—Zophran to help with the nausea and some pain medication to help relax my body to hopefully help me dilate and make some progress.
9:27 p.m. I remember the nurse checking me and telling me I was at a 3. And I remember thinking I didn’t want to deal with the back labor any longer. We had decided ahead of time that it would be the best thing for me to get an epidural in case I needed an emergency c-section, and so if I was going to get one anyway, I wasn’t willing to endure the back labor anymore. I remember praying with Brian, and feeling peace about getting the epidural right then, even though I wasn’t at a 4.
9:40 p.m. I remember Dr. K. coming in to give me the epidural. I remember them telling Brian to sit down in a chair in front of me so he couldn’t see the needle, and giving him a mask. I remember the needle going in, and it feeling off-centered…like it was to the left of my spine.
10:55 p.m. I remember the nurse checking me, and relaying the news that I had made no progress. I remember being discouraged (this scenario was all too familiar…), but still at peace. They put the catheter in, and I tried to sleep, knowing they were going to relay the news to the doctor.
11:19 p.m. Dr. R (the OB) came in and checked me. I remember her telling me that I was actually still at a 1 ½. Ha!! How do you dilate backwards?? I remember wanting to ask for someone with smaller fingers to check me again. 🙂 I remember feeling like she thought I was the biggest wimp, and I remember not caring at all. She broke my water, and it was clear. A great sign.
I remember so badly wanting Selah to be born on Brian’s birthday, and realizing that it wasn’t going to happen…
I remember joining hands with my husband and praying boldly for our hearts’ desires…that God would allow us to have a VBAC.
I remember sleeping, and suddenly being woken up with panic. I couldn’t feel my left leg (which felt like it was the size of a tree trunk) at all and the back labor had returned on the right side of my back. I remember panicking…feeling so out of control…wondering how I would get on all fours if her heart rate dropped like Elliott’s had. Wondering if I could do this…feeling so tired of the whole process. I remember my husband taking my hand and I remember praying with him…I remember him boldly declaring truth over me and our sweet Selah, and I remember feeling peace. I remember asking him to get my ipod, in which I had just put on a new playlist of 4 songs specifically about the Lord’s faithfulness, specifically for Selah’s birth. And I put the ipod by my head, and rested beneath the promises of the Lord…
4 a.m. I remember Dr. R. checking me and telling me I was at a 4. Hallelujah. I remember her saying I needed to keep dilating in order for this to keep going…
I remember texting a couple people to pray for dilation breakthrough!
6:55 a.m. I remember them checking me and telling me I was at a 6…that could be stretched to a 7!
7:00 a.m. Doctor’s shift change, praise God. I remember Dr. Huskey coming in, and cheering for me. We had made it this far. I remember being in her office the previous Wednesday and I had been at a 0. We had talked through the c-section protocol. But now, here we were…on c-section day, but I was in labor. I remember being relieved that she was on call, not the other doctor anymore… I remember her saying, gently but firmly, “Okay, I’ll give you as much time as I can–until 10 o’clock—and we’ll check you again. As long as you’ve made progress, we’ll keep going. Now, if you’re still at a 6, we need to talk about a c-section, okay?”
I remember saying, “Okay,” and not being afraid. I remember simply being so confident that the Lord was going to bring Selah into this world in the perfect way…whether it was vaginally or through surgery.
Then, I remember realizing it was time to put my game face on. My Deborah face. It was time to stir up the Mama in me that was created to rise up and fight. There is this balance (that I have been learning about) of relinquishing my plans in the Lord’s hands, trusting Him to bring about the BEST way, but also knowing I was created to fight, to war, to cry out for my heart’s desires. So, I rose up. I began to pray and talk to Selah constantly. I even moved my iPod down towards…how do I say this…”The Exit” (tmi?) so that she would hear the music, singing of God’s faithfulness, and know which way to get out :). I talked her down…I told her which way to go and what to do. I prayed for her. I prayed for me. I remember being so filled with peace, and so filled with a confidence that she was moving…
And then, I remember feeling the urge to take a big poop…that’s what everyone had said it would feel like. I remember being half in and out of sleep/prayer land and feeling that and suddenly, urgently, excitedly, hopefully calling Brian. “I feel like I need to poop!!”
“Okay…” he responded. (Oh, the things my husband puts up with!) 🙂
“That’s what everyone says it feels like when you’re ready to push!”
I asked him to get the nurse, and when she came in I relayed the news with incredible eagerness to her, just like a toddler who’s potty training. “Well, I’m only allowed to check you every 2 hours. So let’s wait until 10…”
9:55 a.m. I remember the nurse coming in just before 10 and saying, “Well should we check you?! I can’t wait any longer to find out if you’ve made progress!” And I remember thinking, “You’re telling me! Check me!!”
And time paused in that moment and a heavy stillness fell in the room as if all of creation was waiting for her answer. And then it came…And I remember…oh, I remember her smiling, and saying…
“You’re at a 10. Her head is right there…you’re ready to push!!”
I had never heard those words before!! And I remember crying and saying, “Really?! Really??? I get to push?!!!”
I remember her saying, “Now don’t push yet. Wait for me to get back in here so I can show you how.” And I remember thinking, “Are you crazy? I have NO idea what I’m doing…I’m not pushing without you!”
I remember other nurses coming in and setting up the room. It was happening. I remember Brian taking notes on his phone. I remember us trying to figure out how to set up the tripod to take pictures. I remember putting one song on repeat and putting the ipod up by my ear. I remember being so at peace…I remember being so confident in our God. I remember the room being a place that was calm…not panicked…and I couldn’t believe this was how birth is supposed to be…
I do remember wondering how I was going to push since I couldn’t even feel my left leg…
10:30 a.m. I remember them getting my legs in the stirrups.
I remember asking for a mirror.
10:33 a.m. I remember the nurse teaching me how to push, and I remember doing a practice push. I remember thinking pushing was going to be so challenging, but I was so eager, ready, and excited to face it. I remember doing the practice push and asking, “Is that it?? Am I doing this right??”
I remember thinking that I would need a lot of help, but I didn’t. At one point, I remember the nurse had to walk out of the room and Brian was trying to get the tripod set up, and I just push, push, pushed on my own…so eager to see my baby girl. I remember thinking that pushing was a lot easier than I had thought it would be, and that was PURELY the grace of God…
I remember smiling the entire time that I pushed. I couldn’t help it…I was pushing!! I was pushing my baby girl out!! This was it!!!! I was filled with an all-consuming peaceful joy…serenity…
Pushing!! And smiling!!
10:43 a.m. I remember seeing the top of her head!!!!!
10:57 a.m. I remember the nurse calling in the doctor and the team…
I remember Dr. Huskey coming in and pushing once for her. Then I remember her saying, “Okay, I want her to come out on this next push, alright? Can you do it?” And I remember saying, “Yes!”
11:07 a.m. And then…oh, and then!! I remember seeing Selah’s perfect head followed by her perfect body come out, and I remember her crying right away…
…And I remember thinking, “We did it!! We DID it!!”
…and I remember watching everyone’s faces and I remember that none of them were panicked…I remember thinking, “It’s all okay…everyone is okay…”
…And I remember them putting Selah on my chest and I remember being absolutely overcome with gratitude…
…I got to hold my baby girl!! I got to hold her right away!! And I remember those first few moments of holding her in my arms….
…There she was, crying on my chest…she was mine…and I was filled with overwhelming gratitude…
…And I remember talking to her and just loving hearing her cry…
I remember telling her that she did such a great job over and over and over again…that she knew exactly what to do and she did it…
I remember holding her on my chest and loving being her mom…loving getting to see her up close right away…loving every minute…
I remember thanking the Lord…over and over and over again…I remember being so, so grateful…I remember somewhere in all that my doctor said, “You tore a little bit…to a 2.” And I remember instantly saying, “That’s okay!!!” What a small price to pay for my sweet baby Selah!! And I remember…I remember it all…
“You have given her her heart’s desire, And have not withheld the request of her lips. Selah!”
Psalm 21:2
Oh, how she isand will be a constant reminder to stop, to pause…to remember the Lord’s faithfulness and to lift up praise to His name!!!
On February 16, when I was about 7 weeks pregnant, I wrote the following in my journal:
“The whisper has been quiet, but in the last 24 hours it has grown louder and louder in my ear. I feel like we’re having a girl, and I feel like her name is Selah…I can’t get it out of my head.”
I had never, ever considered that name before. I don’t know anyone with that name and honestly, we’ve had a different girl name picked out for a while. But I couldn’t shake this incredibly strong feeling in my spirit. I thought it was so beautiful, and I looked up the meaning. I was overcome by the beauty of the meaning as well. The gist of the meaning is to
Stop and listen. Pause to reflect, meditate, and praise. Likened unto, “Amen.”
Then I read this paragraph online (I bolded the parts that stuck out to me):
“Selah” is also thought to be rendered from two Hebrew words: s_lah, “to praise”; ands_lal, “to lift up.” Another commentator believes it comes from salah, “to pause.” From these words comes the belief that “selah” is a musical direction to the singers and/or instrumentalists who performed the Psalms, which was the hymnbook of the Israelites. If this is true, then each time “selah” appears in a psalm, the musicians paused, either to take a breath, or to sing a cappella or let the instruments play alone. Perhaps they were pausing to praise Him about whom the song was speaking, perhaps even lifting their hands in worship. This would encompass all these meanings—praise, lift up, and pause. When we consider the three verses in Habakkuk, we also see how “selah” could mean “to pause and praise.” Even though Habakkuk was not written to be sung, Habakkuk’s prayer in chapter 3 inspires the reader to pause and praise God for His mercy, power, sustaining grace and sufficiency.
Perhaps the best way to think of “selah” is a combination of all these meanings. The Amplified Bible adds “pause and calmly think about that” to each verse where “selah” appears. When we see the word in a psalm or in Habakkuk 3, we should pause to carefully weigh the meaning of what we have just read or heard, lifting up our hearts in praise to God for His great truths. “All the earth bows down to you; they sing praise to you, they sing praise to your name.” Selah! (Psalm 66:4).
I was hooked. What a beautiful, beautiful thing…that her life would be marked by pausing to praise God for who He is…
So, we found out several months later that we were, indeed, having a girl. We spent some time praying about her character, about who she is, about what marks this perfect child of God, and it was confirmed in both of our spirits almost instantly that Selah was, indeed, our daughter’s name.
Here is what we believe about our daughter:
“Selah” lingers on your tongue, like an aroma. She, herself, is marked by the aroma of Christ….she walks by, and the scent remains. And so, just as the meaning goes: to stop, meditate, and think about that…to lift up and praise the Lord…Selah will leave her aroma everywhere she goes, so as to cause others to stop, remember, and praise the Lord.
And then came time for the middle name. Just as Elliott’s middle name is Brian, we wanted our baby girl to have some part of me passed down in her name. We tried variations of my middle name and although we kind of liked one version, we both just knew it wasn’t quite right for Selah. Then Brian said, “Well I don’t want to just pass down your name, I want to pass down who you are.” So I asked Brian to think about what it was about my character that he most wanted to see passed down in our daughter. After a couple of weeks of pondering, he said, “The thing that I want to pass down to our daughter is the way you so extravagantly love people.”
So! Off we went to find a name that means “one who loves extravagantly.” And you know what we discovered? That there isn’t one! There are a ton of names that mean “love” or “beloved”…but none (that we could find) that means “the act of extravagantly loving others.” So we were stuck.
One day I started thinking about who it is in the bible that exhibits extravagant love. Immediately I thought of Mary of Bethany, who extravagantly showed her love to Jesus perhaps more so than any one else… She sat beside Him when her sister Martha busied herself with tasks. She unashamedly poured out an entire alabaster jar of perfume on the Lord as an offering of her love. She loved him wastefully according to the world, but so extravagantly according to Him that He said about her, “I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” Matthew 26:13
Talk about powerful love! That wherever the gospel is preached, her extravagant love will also be shared…wow!!
So, the name “Mary” (although I happen to love that name) didn’t flow very well, so I thought, “Well, what about Bethany?”
As we were contemplating the middle name Bethany, someone close to us asked us if we had ever considered “Bethany” for our daughter’s name. I said, “As a matter of fact, we are thinking about that for a middle name.” We knew that she had aborted a baby many years ago, but that day she relayed to us that in her grief counseling later, she had decided to name that baby Bethany, because “that was the city where Jesus went.”
After hearing that, Brian and I laid in bed one night just crying and crying…lost babies is a topic very, very near to our hearts for many reasons. And honestly, I’m pretty sure that night it was solidified in both our hearts that we would give her that as a middle name. Besides the original reason we were considering it, we wanted to give her this as a middle name in honor of the lost baby, for some tiny bit of redemption for the woman who gave her up and has since wrestled with grief, and as a living declaration that we stand with and will boldly fight for the little ones “who cannot speak up for themselves” (Proverbs 31:8-9).
And so! There, my friends, is the story of our precious daughter’s name…Selah Bethany.
Selah Bethany is one who carries the fragrance of Christ. Who loves others extravagantly like her mother and like Mary of Bethany, who boldly poured out her love upon Jesus through a beautiful aroma. Who carries His fragrance so strongly that she causes others to stop and lift up praise in awe of our great God.
You’re HERE!!!!! Oh, how we LOVE being your mom and dad!!!
Grandma & Grandpa Moberg did an incredible job of taking care of Elliott while we were bringing baby Selah into the world. We couldn’t wait for Elliott to meet his little sister! We had been preparing him for months…when we asked him where baby Selah was, he would point to my tummy. As soon as he walked into the hospital room, he got this huge smile on his face and pointed to her, saying, “Dee!!” (which is kind of his word for a lot of things…) 🙂
“WHOA…How did you get her out of your tummy??”“Somebody walked all over her blanket and left these funny multi-colored footprints!!”The Moberg family of FOUR!!!
Happy birth day, Selah B!!! We have been waiting for you for SO LONG…we are simply OVERJOYED that you are here…welcome to the world, our little baby love!!!
*(To read about how we chose her name and the meaning of it, click here!)
One day, Suzanna and I were waiting in the border line and we had a conversation that went something like this:
Me: “Hey, I’d really love to take some pregnancy family photos, and I was wondering if you were any good at taking pictures…?”
Suzanna(without hesitation and with a huge smile): “No!! I’m not!! But I would love to!!!!”
Well, the following are the handiwork of that “not-very-good-at-taking-pictures” woman! I have to make the disclaimer that I am very well aware of the fact that these finished photos (with my incredibly amateur editing skills using a free program) do not in any way compare to the skills of all of my amazing photographer friends, but…seriously, I couldn’t be happier with them!! I love them!!!It probably helps quite a bit that we live in a BEAUTIFUL place, but I’m telling you…Suzanna may be your next famous photographer!!
Here are a few of my favorites!!
Elliott wasn’t really into taking photos…note to self: a boy who loves the beach will not be content being held while we stand in sand…he only wants to be in the sand…
Rosarito BeachIsn’t it beautiful?
We finally let Elliott sit down in the sand, which made him very happy :). He sat there watching the sand drop through his fingers like the most amazing miracle was happening before his eyes…
LOOK AT HIS FACE…I LOVE IT!!!
My sweet baby boy, who is now 17 months old!!
Studying a sand dollar with delight…Our absolute FAVORITE…This is a classic “Elliott laugh”…I love the way the sand is falling off of his feet here…such delight!
We let Elliott play in the sand for a bit and caught some couple shots:
*mwah*I love my husband. And I think he loves me, too :).My boys.
No beach trip is complete without being thrown into the air, right?
Pure delight!Pure joy!“Elliott, can you give your baby sister a kiss?”*mwah!*35 weeks pregnant!
Thanks to Alaska Airlines and some saved up miles, we were able to take a little trip to T-town in May to 1. sell some steel in order to get some how-do-you-call-it? Ahh, DINERO. 2. Celebrate Brian’s dad’s 65th birthday! 3. Celebrate my 30th birthday with dear friends and 4. Of course, see family! Here are some highlights from our trip:
PLAYING DRUMS!!
Grandpa, teaching Elliott how to drum like the best of 'em.
Elliott has L-O-V-E-D drums for months and months now, but “drumming” to him was always just using his hands on our little ottomans. Well, leave it to Grandma and Grandpa Moberg to not only have a drum at their house, but to have BRIAN’S ORIGINAL toy drum from when HE was a baby! As soon as Elliott saw it, it was truly love at first sight. Then one day, Grandpa took out a couple of “special” drums…some pots and pans!! And thus, Elliott’s drum SET was born. They had SO much fun playing drums together!
Do a little dance!
I know this picture is blurry, but I just LOVE it! Can’t you just see Elliott shaking his ‘thang? Something about the way he’s holding his shoulders reminds me of one of my classic “Susanne Dance Moves”…doesn’t it?! Elliott has also loved to dance for months and months. His first “dance moves” (starting when he was about 9 or 10 months old) were shaking his head back and forth. So it looks like he’s saying “no,” but really, he’s dancing. Any time we are in public and music comes on, he starts shaking his head back and forth. People always think he’s saying “No” to them, and we have to explain, “No, he’s not saying ‘no’…that’s just how he dances!” He sees an ipod and just starts shaking his head back and forth! Ha! Well, anyway, just within the last few weeks he’s started to get some shoulder and hip into his dance moves, and it’s awfully cute… I think we have a worshiper on our hands!!
KEN’S 65TH BIRTHDAY + ELLIOTT’S FIRST INTRODUCTION TO GRASS
I did a horrible job of capturing pictures from Ken’s birthday. As in, I didn’t take a single one :/. Honestly, I was so busy stuffing my face full of food, that I didn’t even know where my camera was until after the party was over! But it was great afternoon/evening of celebrating Ken with lots of friends and family.
Since it was GORGEOUS while we were in Tacoma (I left Mexico as white as ever and came back to Mexico with some touches of color, thanks to Tacoma!!) we were outside for much of the day. Which led to Elliott’s first introduction to grass!! Keep in mind that soon after he started crawling we left for the Dominican Republic, and I couldn’t put him in the grass there because of all the spiders + ants. And now, we live in Mexico, where the word “grass” isn’t even in their vocabulary. So we set him in the grass, with shoes on, for the first time and he just STOOD there. With his arms out. Staring down at this foreign substance like it was lava. And refused to move.
Eventually one of his cousins knocked him down and he instantly lifted his legs up so they weren’t touching the ground, and he just sat there with his arms and legs out in front of him in the air with an incredibly disgusted look on his face…the poor kid. We finally got a blanket out and now I know how to keep Elliott contained…just surround him with grass!! He refused to go past the blanket…
Blast! I can't go any further!!We put the volleyball a foot or two away to see if he would be distracted enough by his goal to walk on the grass…but nope!Soo frustrated that he couldn't reach the volleyball…
By the end of the evening he had made a TINY bit of progress in being a little more comfortable with grass, but it’s definitely not his favorite yet…
Micah has been THEE smiley-est baby I’ve EVER met in my life…in every picture he is smiling SO BIG while we try to get the other cousins to just sit still for two seconds and look at the camera! But he taught himself this “new look” just since we saw him two months ago. (Tabitha said she caught him practicing in the mirror once!) I think it’s so hilarious!!
"The Look"Brothers + their boys
SWING TIME!
Grandma and Grandpa have the BEST backyard…grass, a swing, and even a pool! Grandpa gave Elliott his first swing lessons, and, as you can see, Elliott had a BLAST.
Now THIS is fun!!Sheer joy!
PLAY DATES
One of my priorities for our time in Tacoma was to get as many play dates in as possible for Elliott. Besides his cousins, he got to play with Cody, Arielle, Henry, Katie, Jamison and baby Stella!! He, of course, LOVED playing with his friends and was simply enamored with baby Stella. He has been simply awe-struck every time we’ve been around baby girls lately…must be preparing to be a big brother!!
Elliott + Stella
MOTHER’S DAY!
I could write an entire post on what a joy it is to be a mother, and especially to be Elliott’s mom. But, let’s be real…that’s what most of my posts are about :). Our little family celebrated Mother’s Day by going back to our old stomping grounds, our old front yard…Ruston Way. It was a GORGEOUS day, and everyone and their mom (literally!! haha!) were there, too. It was so fun to walk along with Elliott, looking at the gorgeous mountain, listening to the waves crash against the shore and breathing in the potent smell of fish :). Later we went to an early dinner with Brian’s Mom, Dad, and sister and then headed to church.
Me, my baby boy + my baby girl! (20 weeks)Our Family, back in T-Town
Hasta luego, Tacoma. It was good to see you, and we’ll see you again soon!
We are overjoyed to announce the newest addition to this Moberg family…I have the honor of growing another sweet little love in my womb!!!
I have just crossed the 11 week mark in my pregnancy, and I’m not going to lie–the last 5 weeks have had their fair share of challenges. Nothing compared to my pregnancy with my perfect sweet little Elliott, but nonetheless…challenging. The toilet bowl has once again regained the title of “bff” (it’s a love-hate relationship) and I am a slave to food. I am fatigued beyond fatigue and carry my Tums with me every where I go to try to keep my lunch from crawling back up my throat. Life is challenging right now. YET…I wrote the following thoughts the very first day that I threw up this pregnancy, and I wanted to share them, both as a reminder for myself and hopefully as an encouragement to others. It has only gotten harder since, but nonetheless, I cling to the truth of the promises here. I hope that these words bring comfort, revelation, and a new joy to all those women out there who have tough pregnancies.
February 11, 2012
Scripture talks about the fact that the greater we suffer with Christ, the greater glory will be revealed in us. Suffering, in any form, teaches us to identify with our Savior, who, as an innocent man, suffered a grueling death that he did not deserve. And then there’s the verse in Hebrews 12: “For the joy set before him, he endured the cross…”
I’ve had this verse running through my head for about a year and a half now. Ever since I realized that I was one of the chosen ones to endure 9 months of vomiting in order to pop a baby out, I haven’t been able to get this Scripture out of my head. Because I knew we would have more kids–we weren’t going to stop at one–but with every addition, I would KNOW exactly what I was about to endure. And yet–yet–it is the JOY that is set before me that gives me the strength to endure.
It’s been 10 months and 21 days (but who’s counting?) since I’ve thrown up. And as I clung to the toilet seat this afternoon, the Scripture that accompanied every vomit with Elliott ran through my head again. I heard myself say out loud, “Okay…” in between hurls. An acknowledgment that it’s time to really start enduring. So many thoughts and emotions and resolves hung up in that word, “Okay.” “Okay, Sus, it’s time to put your game face on…” “Okay, just 8 1/2 more months to go…” “Okay, you can do this…” “Okay, you’re going to make it…’ “Okay…this is for you, Sweet Baby Beta…this is all for you.”
And, as motherhood continues to do, Jesus reveals his love for me to me even more. Because I am doing this all for one…one precious life, that I do not take for granted. Don’t get me wrong–I wouldn’t mind cramming a few more babies in there so that at least I could suffer once for two or three! But–it is all so worth it for my one. This little one is worth it, this little one is worth it all. To say Elliott was worth 9 months of throwing up is the most obscene understatement of all time. To say he was “worth” waiting 10 extra days for him to come, painfully laboring for 8 of those, all to end up in an emergency c-section…to say he was “worth” all of that? No way. I need a much stronger, much more powerful word. I can’t think of a single thing I wouldn’t endure to bring his life into this world.
And so I understand Christ’s love more than ever before. Because He suffered for all of us, but He would have died just for me. Because he loves me that much. Because I–alone–am worth it to Him. And the fact that I know that my re-birth into my new life in Christ came because of His sacrifice sobers me.
So now I wait for Baby Beta. I endure for Baby Beta. And I endure with joy. I do not look at this pregnancy as if it were an inconvenience to my life…it is my honor, myjoy to bring life into this world. And the fact that this life will come as a result of suffering? Well, I say, the greater glory that will come!! I want Elliott, and Baby Beta, to grow up knowing that they were WORTH my sacrifice. And I did not sacrifice begrudgingly or with complaint, but with joy in my heart for the prize that was set before me. (And, oh!! What a prize!!) And I pray that this understanding would begin to give them both revelation of the gift that our Savior gave to them…a gift that came with a cost. But it was for the joy set before Him that he endured…and so I pray that they would each know their value and their worth. That if they had each been the only one on earth, Jesus would have died for them.
