For the joy set before me…
We are overjoyed to announce the newest addition to this Moberg family…I have the honor of growing another sweet little love in my womb!!!
I have just crossed the 11 week mark in my pregnancy, and I’m not going to lie–the last 5 weeks have had their fair share of challenges. Nothing compared to my pregnancy with my perfect sweet little Elliott, but nonetheless…challenging. The toilet bowl has once again regained the title of “bff” (it’s a love-hate relationship) and I am a slave to food. I am fatigued beyond fatigue and carry my Tums with me every where I go to try to keep my lunch from crawling back up my throat. Life is challenging right now. YET…I wrote the following thoughts the very first day that I threw up this pregnancy, and I wanted to share them, both as a reminder for myself and hopefully as an encouragement to others. It has only gotten harder since, but nonetheless, I cling to the truth of the promises here. I hope that these words bring comfort, revelation, and a new joy to all those women out there who have tough pregnancies.
February 11, 2012
Scripture talks about the fact that the greater we suffer with Christ, the greater glory will be revealed in us. Suffering, in any form, teaches us to identify with our Savior, who, as an innocent man, suffered a grueling death that he did not deserve. And then there’s the verse in Hebrews 12: “For the joy set before him, he endured the cross…”
I’ve had this verse running through my head for about a year and a half now. Ever since I realized that I was one of the chosen ones to endure 9 months of vomiting in order to pop a baby out, I haven’t been able to get this Scripture out of my head. Because I knew we would have more kids–we weren’t going to stop at one–but with every addition, I would KNOW exactly what I was about to endure. And yet–yet–it is the JOY that is set before me that gives me the strength to endure.
It’s been 10 months and 21 days (but who’s counting?) since I’ve thrown up. And as I clung to the toilet seat this afternoon, the Scripture that accompanied every vomit with Elliott ran through my head again. I heard myself say out loud, “Okay…” in between hurls. An acknowledgment that it’s time to really start enduring. So many thoughts and emotions and resolves hung up in that word, “Okay.” “Okay, Sus, it’s time to put your game face on…” “Okay, just 8 1/2 more months to go…” “Okay, you can do this…” “Okay, you’re going to make it…’ “Okay…this is for you, Sweet Baby Beta…this is all for you.”
And, as motherhood continues to do, Jesus reveals his love for me to me even more. Because I am doing this all for one…one precious life, that I do not take for granted. Don’t get me wrong–I wouldn’t mind cramming a few more babies in there so that at least I could suffer once for two or three! But–it is all so worth it for my one. This little one is worth it, this little one is worth it all. To say Elliott was worth 9 months of throwing up is the most obscene understatement of all time. To say he was “worth” waiting 10 extra days for him to come, painfully laboring for 8 of those, all to end up in an emergency c-section…to say he was “worth” all of that? No way. I need a much stronger, much more powerful word. I can’t think of a single thing I wouldn’t endure to bring his life into this world.
And so I understand Christ’s love more than ever before. Because He suffered for all of us, but He would have died just for me. Because he loves me that much. Because I–alone–am worth it to Him. And the fact that I know that my re-birth into my new life in Christ came because of His sacrifice sobers me.
So now I wait for Baby Beta. I endure for Baby Beta. And I endure with joy. I do not look at this pregnancy as if it were an inconvenience to my life…it is my honor, my joy to bring life into this world. And the fact that this life will come as a result of suffering? Well, I say, the greater glory that will come!! I want Elliott, and Baby Beta, to grow up knowing that they were WORTH my sacrifice. And I did not sacrifice begrudgingly or with complaint, but with joy in my heart for the prize that was set before me. (And, oh!! What a prize!!) And I pray that this understanding would begin to give them both revelation of the gift that our Savior gave to them…a gift that came with a cost. But it was for the joy set before Him that he endured…and so I pray that they would each know their value and their worth. That if they had each been the only one on earth, Jesus would have died for them.